Turning 40 doesn’t mean the absence of confusion, but learning to coexist with it—a healing escape in Hangzhou

Standing at the threshold of 40, I suddenly realize that the fog of life hasn’t cleared as dramatically as I once imagined in my youth. It’s still there, just in a different form—no longer the reckless turbulence of adolescence, but a deeper, silent questioning of meaning, direction, and choices.

At 40, I’ve grown clearer about what I want and less inclined to please others. I’ve come to cherish solitude and, with this "conscious confusion," retreated into Hangzhou—a city that constantly recharges me. At the Hangzhou Xizi Hotel by West Lake, I’m not here to escape, but to find a quiet corner where I can learn to peacefully coexist with it.

📍 Why here?

A true "hidden gem in the city," nestled beneath Leifeng Pagoda yet claiming a secluded stretch of West Lake with 1.5 kilometers of private shoreline. Step through its understated gate, and the noise of the world instantly fades. This sense of isolation is exactly the "barrier" my heart needs right now.

The weight of history is palpable. Once a private garden, every step reveals landscapes polished by time. Walking beneath ancient towering trees and tracing the weathered courtyard walls, I’m struck by how trivial my worries seem in the grand sweep of history. This "sense of smallness" brings an unexpected relief.

Facing the openness of West Lake, the view frames an ever-changing ink-wash painting: Leifeng Pagoda in the morning mist, boats gliding in the rain, or a rainbow arching over the Three Pools Mirroring the Moon. Confronted with such vast serenity, inner turmoil seems to dissolve into the lake’s gentle ripples. Sitting here in idle contemplation isn’t wasted time—it’s a necessary "emptying."

🍵 Rituals for coexisting with "confusion" here:

1. At Xiyuan Teahouse, sip Longjing tea slowly, listening to the rain—no rush, savoring the moment as if it deepens the tea’s flavor.
2. Stroll along the private lakeside path, a hidden treasure with few visitors.

Giving myself a space to "pause," like Xizi Hotel—a sanctuary of safety and calm—is a grown-up necessity. Here, I’m not seeking answers, but reclaiming the ease of conversing with myself. Quietly, I whisper: Don’t hurry. Take it slow. Everything unfolds at its own pace.

Post by EMERSYN BOWEN | Jul 26, 2025