06 Female College Graduate’s One-Day Tour of Laojun Mountain! The Ultimate Guide is Here

【Laojun Mountain Immortal Cultivation Guide】—— A Traveler’s Self-Cultivation (Includes the Broke but Happy Package)
Rumor has it that Laojun Mountain is the “retirement home” chosen by the Supreme Elder Lord after retirement. This mere mortal decided to soak up some immortal vibes, only to find— even the steps here carry the ritual of “tribulation crossing”!
【Essential Immortal Cultivation Lessons — Attractions】
1. **Golden Summit Taoist Temples**
- At 2,217 meters above sea level, climbing up can make you lose 3 jin (or nearly your breath). But the moment you see the sea of clouds, you’ll cry and post on social media: “I have attained the Way!”
- *Tip*: Those climbing in the dark at 4 a.m. are either immortals or TikTok vloggers.

2. **Ten-Mile Painted Screen**
- The name sounds poetic, but it’s actually a “cliffside plank road fitness contest.” It’s recommended to shout while walking: “Laojun! My legs are weak, can I fly on a sword?”
- *Hidden Bonus*: In autumn, this place looks like a spilled palette. Wear red for photos—pretend you’re the lead in a xianxia drama.

3. **Laozi Cultural Garden**
- Perfect for visitors suddenly inspired to “comprehend the Way,” like staring at the bronze statue of Laozi thinking: “Is he riding a bull because climbing is too tiring?”

【Post-Tribulation Supply Station — Food】
1. **Luanchuan Tofu Feast**
- A specialty at the foot of Laojun Mountain, tofu here can rival a Manchu Han Imperial Feast. Recommended: “Pickled Cabbage Tofu Soup,” which will give you the energy to climb another 800 steps (or at least brag that you can).

2. **Hutu Noodles**
- The name sounds sloppy, but the taste is addictive. Henan’s version of “Broke but Happy Noodles,” 10 yuan fills you up, and after eating you’ll sigh: “Immortals really do eat simply.”

3. **Barbecue Stalls (A Must for Night Climbers)**
- Night market at the mountain base, lamb skewers sizzling with oil, paired with Luoyang Palace beer, instantly making you forget the fear of “having to descend tomorrow.”

【Mortal Accommodation Guide — Strong Despite Poverty】
1. **Hostel Style**
- “Laojun Mountain International Youth Hostel,” 60 yuan/night, the bed boards are as hard as meditation cushions for cultivation, but you can find “fellow cultivators” for group night climbs.

2. **Farmhouse Style**
- 100 yuan including food and lodging, the auntie serves meals in basins and enthusiastically advises: “Remember to bring a walking stick for the climb, or you’ll have to kneel down on the way back.”

3. **Tent Camping (Choose Carefully)**
- Renting a tent on the summit costs 200 yuan, romantic but freezing. It’s recommended to bring your own heat packs, or you might realize the true meaning of “the heights are unbearably cold” in the middle of the night.

【Must-Know Trivia for Fellow Cultivators】
- The monkeys on Laojun Mountain will snatch snacks but won’t recite lines from Journey to the West, so don’t expect them to shout “Great Senior Brother.”
- The cable car closes at 5 p.m.; those who miss it must rely on their “rolling and crawling” skills to descend.
- Souvenir shops sell “Laozi statue” fridge magnets; stick one on your instant noodle cup: “Tao Te Ching, hunger press.”

A trip to Laojun Mountain tests the body through tribulation and the soul through social media posts. Remember: when you can’t climb anymore, silently say—“I came all this way!” (Includes a photo of me sprawled at the summit, all the immortal vibes thanks to filters.)

*—— A mortal tourist who ate three bowls of Hutu noodles after descending*

(Guide suitable for: budget-conscious, reasonably fit, and humor-filled aspiring immortals)